Memories

As I was browsing through the internet I stumbled upon this site.

"Do I still remember my password?" ... Apparently I do. haha

Over a year since I last blogged on this site,
Over a year since I last stood on Oahu,
Over a year since I began this most recent chapter of my journey,
Over a year....

A new chapter a year ago? Who decides when those chapters begin or end? Isn't our life a collection of experiences that are bound by our own perception of time? Instead of speaking of chapters I think I will call this..... Life..... profound, ya? haha Shoots

I wonder if anyone will read this. Maybe an e-mail will be sent out notifying that Spam and Eggs recently added a post to their account.... or maybe this will be just dust in the wind scattered in this splattering of words...

Sooooo, this last year what has happened... To branch into another thought, if I may, I think this will be beneficial fo me and probably only me. Some, as they stumble back on this as I have, may find this interesting, amusing, or just annoying. To that I say, What-ever. haha People journal to process their ideas and thoughts, I ramble to bring sense to my chaotic spastic mind. So, in these ramblings I post, I will hopefully find some ideas or thoughts that connect, to then help in processing what it is I am thinking.... (I think I just repeated myself thinking I was making two completely different statements...hmmm).

To summarize this past year I will say that God doesn't give up. Rev Hi was an awesome, stretching, hard year for me. God has a great way of loving the stubborn in their brokenness. It reminds me of a sturdy Teak tree. Here I am blowing hot air at God and He still stands strong and doesn't break. His love doesn't stop reaching for me. I bring a monsoon full of rain, thunder, havoc and He doesn't give up but stands His ground and smiles at me. No matter what I do it's like He is pursuing me like a passionate lover...... Sounds weird but no matter what I do He doesn't stop and won't seem to let me go. As much as I have tried to push He is STILL there. Even when it seems as if that last sin was the one to break that tree He stretches His branches, shakes the dew off the leaves, and booms with the melody of Love.

Currently God has been showing me How much I desperately need Him; and in saying Currently I mean since I heard who Jesus was back in pre-school, waaaaay back. But, in the most recent of recents this has been a recurring theme for me. My life unravels with-out His tender hands holding it together. The ministries He has blessed me with become like clanging pans unless I let Him take over. What I once found value in I see as just vanity. Ecclesiastes.... Oh, Vanity...haha

So easily I find my self getting sidetracked and distracted. Casting Crowns song Slow Fade talks about this slow fade. It could be anything but that distraction can slowly steer our minds, our hearts, and our lives in the complete opposite direction until... BAM!!! What happened?

This last summer I had one of those moments. To make a long story longer, this all started back in 3rd grade. There was this kid....hahaha just kidding. Here I was finishing my second semester back in College, reaching for summer time, ministry and work lined up. Surfing plans made out. I was ready for this awesome summer and finding this awakening in my relationship with Jesus. "Just you and me J-man.".... not really. Maybe it was that Cockiness that lead me into idolizing.... As, I was going through the summer things seemed great; Camp rocked, I was surf's up, and everything seemed gravy. But one day, meeting with my parents, Reality smacked me hard.

I was with my dad and here I was trying to fix my van, yet again. Through conversation he made a comment that really opened my eyes. This statement made me re-evaluate my summer, my life and it took me weeks to realize the root. So here we are and my dad says,"Brock, what's going on with you?! Your mom and I are concerned for you! Either your back on drugs and alcohol or we're just bad parents! What is it?"

Woah!!! In my mind I was thinking, what?! are those my only two options? I assured Him that neither was true and that I was working on it... but i didn't know what the "it" at that time was. After weeks of praying and reflection God showed me what it was. You see, through out the summer I had made plans to really devote my time to God and spend "quality" time with Him. My summer ended up being an exploit of my selfish desires with a side order of Jesus in a to go bag. Because of this selfishness I was neglecting my rent (I didn't think it was that big of a deal), canceling plans to meet with family (I talk with them all the time, and I see them every so often. What's the big deal, i thought), and I wasn't guarding my thoughts or heart (Hey, I'm just being a guy. Plus it's summer time....). The root of it all..... I had put Jesus on the sidebar. I was thinking that these moments of weekly Jesus appetizers on sunday would sustain me but I was depriving my whole being. Everything was slacking because I was compromising in my walk with God.

God doesn't want us to be half in and half out. I was confronted with my custom faith that was rotting the arteries of my soul.

A few weeks before school started I was hanging with some friends I hadn't seen in a very long time. That night we talked about a lot of deep stuff but the one thing that stood out to me was the question, "What have you been reading in the bible lately?" Ummmmm,.... I can answer this, I am a teen pastor.... all that could come to mind were the lessons I was giving my teens. I wasn't investing any personal time to hearing from God and reading His word...WoW... That night hit me hard and I am so thankful for those two people in my life and how God has been using them because that really helped to turn me back in the right direction.

What do You think of God's word? Seriously, What do you think of God's word? I struggled to read Gods word because it seemed more like a chore than anything else. I HAVE to read it because I am a Christian. But, God has been changing that in me. I can't get enough of it. It really is like bread. I don't always know what it is saying and if that is the case, I read that chapter again, and again, and again. Sometimes weeks of reading the same thing just to grasp what God is telling me through it, to find what the writer really meant when He told the people that.... But His word is amazing. Pray rocks and is soooo important. I have been stokin' off of what God has been doing and prayer definitely is something that helps align me to His will. In relationships communication is vital. No communication, poor relationship. It is hard to really grow without communication. It builds trust (Faith), knowledge, patience (effective Listening takes some practice and time), and even love among other things. Prayer is so vital to our walk with Jesus.

I don't say these things to boast about me. I say these to share what God is doing. He is changing my heart still, showing me how much I desperately need Him. I wish I could say I could care less about what people say but there are still parts of me that struggle with acceptance and a desire to be liked, BUT, I hold tight to the promises of God so that I can still stand in those hard times. It's not by my strength I have made it this far, but it is completely the grace God has shown me that carries me.


Welll...... my rambling seems to have stopped for now. But Check out Galations 5, this is a chapter I am wrestling with now. I have to re-read it over and over because I forget most of what it says after I read it. haha I remember A little bit more each time though. Join in this wrestling match with me

Aloha